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The Year In Slots: Our Bottom Ten (2 of 4)

9: So 80’s: This is just an unforgivably ugly slot machine title. Why anyone would want to commemorate one of the most tragic epochs in American culture and fashion is already beyond us, but the execution of this dubious concept was just dismal. From the unappealing checkered background to the garish smiley-face logos and profiles of people with bad perms, there was no getting past the cover of this particular book.

8: Party Line: A totally depressing holiday slot machine title. We have never liked the Playtech online slots that look like “real” machine chasses. The reels are inevitably too small to appreciate what’s going on, and the “casino” in the background looks like some horrible little dive by way of The Twilight Zone. Uninspired graphics and boring gameplay can’t be compensated for by a middling jackpot. We suggest you find something else to do on New Year’s Eve. Maybe your sock drawer needs reorganizing?

7: Harvey’s: It’s a slot game based around eating in a steakhouse. Tell us again why someone thought this was a good idea? (Call us crazy, but we prefer to actually –you know- eat dinner, rather than look at pictures on a crappy slot game with one of the tiniest jackpots we have ever seen!)

6: Princess Jewels: Also known fondly to us as, “that slot game that looks like it got attacked by a Bedazzler.” If six year old girls could legally gamble, this title might not be such a bad idea. Basically, there are a bunch of garish gemstones cut out in ridiculous princess shapes on the reels, and you have to line them up. Since all online slots players have to be legal adults, we can’t imagine what the audience is for such a sparkly and ridiculous punter. Is the crossover between slots fans and grown-up Barbie doll collectors really that big?

Continue to part 3 here.

Back to December 2008 Archive.